In Bloom.....

Currrently listening to: "In Bloom"- Nirvana


Its been a while since I felt worthy to post something on here... Its also been a minute since I had the time to do it. Life's great but Im not all for formalities on a blog. I mean, don't get me wrong... I love those who take the time to read what Im doing.. I just dont wanna make a big deal about it. Radio... School && Life.... what more is there to say???

Today... sitting at home... I had an epiphany. Now, Im not gonna go all Chrisette Michelle but seriously, life became clear in a sense. When I came back to school... I became a Dj for my station && I'd be lying if I say that I didn't wanna do it forever (I want this shit forever... ever.. ever! Thanks Drizzy!). I mean, its like my life has become clear to me. Never have I felt more driven or more interested in one thing. I understand now when artist say that their music is who they're in a relationship with becuz it truly gets like that. I spent almost every waking moment in that station... just to be around it... feel the vibe of it. Then... we had an argument... And I havent been as much. I miss the closeness between us and we're rekindling our flame. He knows I love him! But its addicting! Hearing that people hear me is a rush... and Im in love with that feeling. If anybody ever wants to know whats going on with me at a certain point in my life... Listen to my shows. I reflect my mood in the music I play. So much so that my mother knew I was happy... genuinely... from listening to one of my shows.

Another facet of my life that I am coming to terms with is just me... myself. I am who I am... and I love her. I am not perfect... I am a perfectly flawed individual. There are things I want to fix but I love those imperfections... every orifice, every bump, every curve of me is loved by Me. Never have I felt so comfortable in the skin God gave me... and being amongst more people who are going thru same things as I am has made me appreciate my life even more. Things could be better... I could have money for one.. but would I have this happiness? I dont think I would... nor would I have these understandings about myself. I am a beautiful... real... loving creature. And as everybody, I would love to have that love I have in myself shown by someone else.....

Speaking of love && like... I feel like for the first time in a long time, Im ready for that. My feelings are on my sleeve && slowly but surely, Im coming out of my shell again. Guys are no longer creatures just made to cause me unhappiness... becuz I've learned that happiness comes from within. I am interested in meeting && mingling again... especially with one person in particular. I make no claims to know him well... I just know enough to be interested. My fear of approaching him comes from insecurities in my past, but in shedding those, I plan to do so eventually. Im too old for crushes && life is too short not to try your options. Im not in high school anymore, so I really dont need my friends assistance in approaching him. So... here's a letter to him



Juvenile, I know but verbal words fail me when I see you so writing this is better for me. I hope you find it sweet, not silly... find me sweet, not mean... pretty, not ugly. I've never had to do this before but something about you has me intrigued. Can't place my finger on it but something is magnetic about you && its pulling me in. Excuse the fowardness of the last statement, but it has to be said. How can I claim to be real and hold my toungue? I seriously feel like how Alicia felt in "You don't know my name". Its scary to put yourself out when you dont know how the other person would react. But... Im 20 years old... Im putting on my big girl pants and baring my soul. I may not be the prettiest, the smartest or the most talented (and I dont claim to be) but I can assure you that I'm one of the realest you'll ever meet. Cliche, I know but coming from this creole lady... it means something. I don't know what you like, but I hope to learn. I dont know what your interest are but I hope to learn. Maybe we can share a conversation over a meal I'll cook for you... who knows. Im reaching my hand to yours.... Will you accept?

-Always..... Daya

He may never read these eloquent words I've posted && thats ok... but just in case he ever should come across my piece of the internet... he knows..

Remember ya'll.... Im just a lily in bloom.....