Hurt People Hurt People

"...You're saying things... No one stays the same... So I take it lightly... When you say that I've changed... All that I do Is done for you... && I can't help but feel bad... When you place me at the blame..."


Honestly... This has been one of the hardest months of my life. I've handled many things as mature as I could but that's neither here nor there. You see folks, I'm blogging from a computer near you because I need to get somethings off my chest...

As a woman, it is natural for me to want the companionship of a man. Sometimes my pillow isn't enough. But in wanting a man, I have a hard time being submissive to a man. My last situation proved this. See, I FEEL that he wanted me to kinda play my role. You know, the role of a submissive woman. One who looked pretty but shut up. That's how I felt. I felt that I was being groomed to be a trophy. A prize that needed to be polished and admired but not one that could be heard. So... Being the type of girl I am, I rebelled. It seemed that all we did is argue anyway... He didn't listen, I didn't listen.. We didn't know how to communicate w/ each other and more often than, we disrespected each other. Yes folks, it was a WE thing. No one is worse or better than the other person... We both need to learn to respect the person that we're with. Its sad because I feel that I really did try with this guy. I tried to open up to him in ways that most people don't get to see from me. It hurt that he denied me of that... He never took the time to figure out who I am. I am a survivor of sexual abuse. I don't hide behind that or let it define me but it does dictate why I am the way I am. He NEVER bothered to figure me out. That hurt... I could talk about this all day but I feel like I need to speak directly to him... I hope yall don't mind...


MLC,

I hate that things ended the way that things did. I never wanted to argue with you the way that we did and as much as you may think I don't, I do care. It angers me that you try to discredit my feelings because they aren't a direct reflect of yours. My feelings come out in a different way than yours. Truthfully, I do care. I feel that I care more than you did. But you choose to argue and I don't have time for that. I also don't have time for the hypocracy that you've shown me. What's good for you is good 4 me to. How can you tell me you dislike something that you do? That's confusing. They're are no bends, twist or turns to make something right. And I hated that you did that to me... I hated that part of you. I wanted nothing more than to be with you. But, I feel that we were based on a lie. You can't build a strong foundation on shaky ground. Being painted to be a bad guy constantly is annoying... It is also hurtful, esp when you see the flipside of it all. You were the 1st guy I opened up to or tried to since my ex. I saw myself loving you one day. I hate that we stopped this relationship from growing. But you know what they say, Hurt People hurt People... And we are two hurt people. My past is not you and I am not your past... But a part of me still wants to be in your future, idk why. Maybe because I actually have feelings for you. But who knows... Serendipity is real & if its meant to be, it shall. But I wish you much love, much success & much happiness... You'll always be special to me

-- Daya (in my rawest form)


The tears are flowing yall... I'll holla..